Deep Thoughts by Julie

Where to begin….

sweetjules20 — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 16:58:54 +0000

Apparently I only blog when things are either going fantastically or terribly. My blog doesn’t cover the gray areas, mostly because I guess the entries would consist of “nothing really going on right now. Very Swiss-like.” Needless to say, not very interesting. Instead, I’m working my way through season three of Dawson’s Creek, sitting on the couch in my new residence, and thinking about the fact that one of my best friends who swore he wouldn’t kick me to the curb or let me down, has done just that. Therefore, my patience is gone. I can feel my cynicism returning and basically I’m finding significantly less reasons to fight it. I seem to remember that at some point, my witty cynical self was rather charming. Or not. I don’t know. Maybe it’s not that I’m returning to my cynical self but rather just not relying on people anymore. I mean, you can only do it so many times before you get tired of being let down. So for anyone who hasn’t seen me in awhile or hasn’t even met me yet, if you really want to get to know me, don’t be put off by my extreme trust issues. I come by them honestly.

“I’m truly afraid of…”

sweetjules20 — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 00:29:57 +0000

…making the wrong decision. I am absolutely terrified. And I pray about it. I pray a lot. I think God gets sick of hearing from me, but I do pray. I guess my biggest fear would be making the wrong decision and hurting someone in the process. I just want to do what’s best for me, and everyone else in my life. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I still question myself, my decisions. I doubt myself. Highly. A lot. I pray to make the right decision. I pray that God will just show me the signs and lead me to where I need to go, where He wants me to go. But in the end…I am afraid I misread His signs. I’m afraid I’m doing something wrong.

So it’s been awhile? So what? :)

sweetjules20 — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 15:16:28 +0000

I’ve been busy…get over it lol…anyway shortly before my last entry, I wrote about the small, furry being that I had adopted. My kitten Dante. Oh yes, I in my wonderful brilliance thought, “hey, let’s start naming the pets after literary characters.” And I wanted him to have an Italian name, so I thought “hmm, Dante sounds cool.” Heather agreed. His middle name, though it goes unmentioned quite often (especially now) is Angelo. What does Angelo mean? Translates to “Angel” for all you morons out there. However, this could not be further from the truth. My cat is insane. I love him dearly, but oh my lord. He has ADD. I’m sure of it. And right now, he’s sitting by a wall socket playing with a cord that’s plugged in, despite my telling him not to. I often get the feeling my cat is giving me the ultimate “screw you” by ignoring me. Or maybe he’s not ignoring me. Maybe he’s purposely defying me, as all children do to their parents because they wish to get the last word in. So to speak. lol…anyway, he’s always getting into something. I never know what I’m going to find. He has a climbing habit. I don’t mean that he’s climbing the new couch or anything. He climbs us. Yes, he starts at our ankles and climbs all the way to our shoulders. The first time he did it, I stood in awe. The second time, I laughed. Now I try to figure out if he can hold on while I madly rush around. (He usually gives up around hip level.) He’s adorable and I’m so glad I have him. Even when he uses my forehead as a vaulting pad to get to the back of the couch or futon. Like I said, I love him dearly. It’s just become quite obvious that I reside in Dante’s Inferno.

A need to rant….

sweetjules20 — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 19:31:28 +0000

Okay basically lately I’ve been mostly happy. But I came across something today and now I feel a need to rant. All people that I’m ranting about shall remain nameless.

How to begin? Liars. I despise liars. Why do I despise liars? Because one of the people that I trusted most, absolutely believed would never hurt me, is nothing but a liar. I think it’s funny that this person totally dropped me on my ass. And now “they” are apparently a wonderful person. I call bullshit. I personally know this person was feeling a lot of guilt over some things and while I think it would be nice to believe they’ve made a complete turnaround, I don’t think it’s true. Why not? Because if so, they would have had regard for another person’s feelings, including mine, and they didn’t. Now, it is as if I never met this person, never knew them, and nothing ever happened. I want to thank this person because the shit they put me through actually led me to meeting someone who truly is wonderful, who truly does care about me, and who is willing to fight for me, stand up for me, and protect me in every way possible. This other person, the one who I am finding it extremely hard to forgive, has carried on with all their friends, but has left me with nothing. I have not seen this person in quite awhile now. And like I said, while I would love to believe that this person has truly changed for the better, I don’t think they have. If they had, I feel like they would have at least offered an explanation to me for the way they treated me, and maybe even a apology. No matter what happned, no one deserves to be treated the way that I was. But have they come forward to say anything to me? No, and they obviously despise me to such a great degree that they don’t even want to admit to knowing me. Oh yes, should this person ever read this entry, let me say this: you are such a good person and we should all bow down to your great example. Please oh please, let us all be more like you. After all, wouldn’t this world be a better place if we were all total bastards?

Design a perfect day….

sweetjules20 — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 00:18:02 +0000

Hmm…perfect day…I think it would be waking up to kisses from the person you love. Then a walk on the beach to watch the sunrise. Then back to the house for breakfast for two. Then pretty much lay in bed all day and watch movies. Spend the day doing nothing but relaxing and spending time with each other, reading, cooking together, whatever. Then an evening picnic on the beach under the stars. Stay up late, have a bonfire, do s’mores. Lay on the dark beach and listen to the waves crashing. Dear God what have I become?? lol…hey now you guys tell me what’s your perfect day.

Happiness is….

sweetjules20 — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 05:12:47 +0000

Okay first of all, I apologize to any faithful readers for how long it’s taken me to get to this entry. Been a little busy lately

Onto the entry. Happiness is the simple things in life. A button up shirt from your boyfriend, a kitten to sleep with, a sunny day, trips to the beach, spontaneity. That last one is so important. It’s what keeps things interesting. Surprises. Surprises are awesome for both the people giving them and the ones receiving them. Happiness is, for me anyway, a cloudy day with rain pouring down. Or even better a walk through the rain down the strip mall where I work, lol. Happiness is good music and good friends. It’s having dinner with the people you’re close to, and being able to talk about anything. It’s being able to lie in bed next to someone without any fear. It’s texting all day long. It’s a cup of coffee, sharing ice cream, cooking for someone you love. It’s hugs from someone you’ve missed for awhile. It’s so many different things for different people. For me, the list goes on and on. It’s being able to totally be yourself with someone, without fear of judgement or rejection. It’s meeting someone new and learning as much as you can about them. It’s falling in love. It’s feeling things click. It’s feeling things fall into place. It’s a good book, a hot bath, and some scented candles. It’s really loud rock music in your car’s cd player, the volume turned way up and the windows rolled down. It’s knowing that someone needs you and that you make someone happy. It’s icees on a bench on a hot summer day. It’s laying on a bench on a warm summer night. It’s sitting on the steps in Big Spring Park, having a picnic dinner. It’s a kitten playing with your toes. It’s mini vacations. It’s waking up to kisses and making wishes, and having picnics under the stars. It’s the familiar scent of perfume or cologne and the way it takes you back. It’s hitting the snooze button in the morning! lol Okay, I think I’ve gone on enough now. So for all you who read this, tell me…what makes you happy?

Look out the window…write about what you see

sweetjules20 — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 04:18:44 +0000

Yeah so it’s been a few days since I’ve actually written. And in the last couple of days things have changed a little. I have a cat now. Holy crap, I have another living being that I’m supposed to take care of. What was I thinking?? lol…okay seriously, I love him. He ‘s adorable and he makes me happy.

So now onto the entry. What do I see…trees, streetlight, apartment building, ooh people! lol…it’s dark outside and earlier tonight it felt so much like fall that I half expected to see a pumpkin by someone’s door. I love fall and I wish it was a little closer. While summer is cool (allows for swimming, hiking, etc.) there is something wonderfully mysterious about fall. The rainy days, the foggy nights, it makes me think of London in the 18th century or something. Then again, I swear I was born in the wrong time. I’m a fanatic for creepy things. I love horror movies, and scary stories, and the way that fall feels sort of enhances that feeling. I like anything that feels mysterious…it makes it sort of surreal and sort of dramatic. I think I have some acting blood in me, lol…anyway, I’m not really sure any of this made sense. And I think it’s quite funny how I was told to look out the window and write about what I saw and it turned into me rambling about why I love fall. Well it was either this or talking about how my dad saw the ficus tree dancing around the living room the other night while it was grinning at him…damn Ambien.

So here’s what I’ve decided

sweetjules20 — Sun, 09 Jul 2006 09:40:56 +0000

I found this great writing prompt generator. So I think that using it will give me a good method to writing these blog entries. So I figure I’ll pick up a new prompt, write a whole entry on it, and see what other people have to say.

So today’s prompt is:”I wish I could…”. So…I wish I could forget. I know regrets are pointless. But I wish that I could forget something that I felt a long time ago. Or what seems like a long time ago, anyway. I wish that I could forget what it was like, forget how I felt living life that way, forget everything that surrounded it. I wish I could go a whole week without thinking about it. I wish I could go a whole month. I wish I could pretend that it was never real. And honestly, now it doesn’t feel real. I find it ironic that at one point I said that with my luck, I would wake up in the morning and it would all be a dream. I got a message later that day that informed me quite nicely that no, it wasn’t a dream. And now? Now that’s all it seems to me. A distant, unreachable dream, that was never real and leaves you wondering if it could be.

Nazi brides, fires, gas leaks, and possible curses….

sweetjules20 — Mon, 03 Jul 2006 01:31:35 +0000

Okay so it’s been awhile…and no not everything in the topic happenedall at once. Let’s see…start with the wedding. For any that I’ve talked to in person, by now you know that as of Friday afternoon, I was seriously contemplating returning to Huntsville and telling Amber to shove it. I’ve never watched the show, but I couldn’t stop the word “bridezilla” from springing to mind. Right now, I am sending out a message to all you who will be involved in my wedding–if I EVER get like that, just smack me. Take me down a few notches. I give you permission now. I won’t go into all the gory details of what she did to us, but suffice to say she despises the majority of my family, needs to grow up a little bit, and will not be in my wedding.

Now, onto more bizarre things. What are the odds that someone would be trying to sabotage a PetSmart?? Seriously, two weeks ago, the place caught on fire. Birds and hamsters were killed (smoke inhalation, I think). Then a few days after that, someone was carried out in a stretcher. Today at work, shortly after we drug our table and tent in out of the rain and discovered our computer systems were down and therefore could not help any Corr Wireless customers, someone steps into our alcove to tell us to get out. Why? A gas leak! A friggin gas leak! So I have decided that PS sold someone a puppy that peed too much or something and now that owner has hexed the place. This past Saturday was supposed to be the grand re-opening of the store after the fiery fiasco, and so they had a smoker set up, grilling burgers and hot dogs, stuff like that. And they had a huge balloon attached to the top of the roof. Turns out the rental company (Mullins, I think) had attached that very balloon to a gas line. The balloon snapped the 3/4 inch gas line, which then proceeded to fill the most immediate stores with gas. So we were all evacuated (not that it mattered to us much anyway, seeing as how our systems were down thanks to the rain). So needless to say, it’s been a little crazy over there. Now I’m just hoping PS’s curse doesn’t rub off on us.

Hey Hey They’re the Monkeys

sweetjules20 — Sat, 24 Jun 2006 22:19:05 +0000

So I was introduced to a rocking band last night. They're the Poptart Monkeys and they are friggin awesome. I also took my first trip to Sammy T's. What a cheesy little music hall. Obviously I fell in love with it, lol. The show was awesome, and a girl I work with knows the band personally. And the band is very cool, down to earth. Not at all stuck up. They played some great music and my ears are still ringing, lol. Totally worth it though. I had so much fun. And I didn't think I was going to. I was sort of begged to go to watch Michele and make sure she didn't make another horrid drunken mistake by the name of Yancey. Or anything else along those lines. So I finally left around 12:30 when she was completely plastered but luckily in the hands of one of her friends. Who should have therefore made sure she didn't do anything stupid. I hope. I had somewhere to be. Otherwise I would have stayed till the end of the show. I had so much fun though and I'm so glad they convinced me to go. Eight dollars cover charge (just because the Chippendale's were there, ugh) but so worth it. Definitely going back. Maybe to see the Velcro Pygmies or something the next time they're here. You just have to love those bands with the weird names.